


Limerence

by baekdsooshi, NoHappyEnding



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M, NHE2017, no happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-20
Updated: 2018-02-20
Packaged: 2019-03-21 13:13:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13741656
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/baekdsooshi/pseuds/baekdsooshi, https://archiveofourown.org/users/NoHappyEnding/pseuds/NoHappyEnding
Summary: The one where Kyungsoo waits for Chanyeol to come back to him





	Limerence

**Author's Note:**

> **Prompt:** 2017-124  
>  **Pairing/Main character(s):** Chanyeol/Kyungsoo  
>  **Word count:** 11566  
>  **Rating:** M / R  
>  **Warning(s):** untagged pairing (to avoid spoiler), cheating/infidelity, mild swearing, smut
> 
>  **Author's note:** Hello! This is my first Chansoo fic (+ my 3rd ever EXO fanfic). I took this prompt because I haven't explicitly written about cheating before and thought it would be a good challenge. Even though Kyungsoo is my bias, I did my best to break him, so I hope this fulfills your need for pain. Thank you in advance for reading and a shout out to my beta SL and the mods for all the help and patience in the world!

It all started with a ring.

After coming home from work, exhausted and beaten down from a very long day, Kyungsoo still found the strength to straighten out the home he shared with Chanyeol, before his boyfriend came home with takeout.

He couldn’t help but smile at the simple gesture. Chanyeol loves Kyungsoo’s cooking, even more so when they can prepare their meals together. But ever since being promoted to Marketing Manager, Kyungsoo didn’t have as much time nor energy left to cook for them both at the end of each day. So when Chanyeol offered to feed them on nights where they are both free without a second thought, Kyungsoo’s heart grew warm. The only catch that the older man wanted is that Kyungsoo whips up a quick breakfast for them the next day, even if it means just him pouring milk and cereal into a bowl or making coffee while the giant tries not to bounce in his seat.

So he happily cleans their home before showering to wash away the tiredness and filth from today. Thinking of Chanyeol’s beaming face as he hums a tune on the way home, Kyungsoo quickly gets dressed, excited for their night together.

Rummaging through their shared closet, he’s looking for a hoodie among their clothes when a small box falls on the floor by his feet. The younger picks it up, thinking it’s just one of Chanyeol’s boxes of guitar picks that’s all over their home. But nothing rattled inside. Curiosity and the beating of his heart got the better of him, so Kyungsoo opens the small surprise and got the biggest shock of his twenty-eight years of life.

Huh.

Inside is a beautiful silver ring lined with coal black metal and dazzling stones. It wasn’t exactly Kyungsoo’s style, but he can see why Chanyeol picked it. The classic touch of black is himself and the shiny bits are his boyfriend. It’s perfect.

His fingers start to shake as he is about to try it on, but the sound of keys on the door and the hum of the latest Top 40 song on the other side stops him. Kyungsoo quickly stuffs the ring back inside the box and into one of Chanyeol’s suit jackets, quietly closing the closet after.

“Kyungsoo-yah.” Chanyeol happily calls from their living room. The younger tries to calm his heart that wants to escape his chest as he zips up the hoodie he wanted to wear, resisting the urge to just run to the man calling his name so sweetly.

When Kyungsoo was satisfied that he won’t give anything away, he walks up to the person getting their dinner table ready and wraps his arms around him. “You’re home.”

 

 

*

 

 

To say that Kyungsoo is excited would be an understatement. His nerves are masked under many layers of practiced nonchalance, not wanting to spoil Chanyeol’s surprise.

As Kyungsoo stares up at the ceiling, waiting for Chanyeol to finish showering before bed, his mind wanders.

Would Chanyeol pick a fancy restaurant and dress to the nines to take Kyungsoo’s breath away? It could also be just a random day of them just cooking in the kitchen, him preparing rice and doenjang jjigae as Chanyeol grills meat, just like the early years of their relationship. But knowing his very romantic boyfriend, it might even be at the café where they first met, where Kyungsoo worked as a part-time barista to have extra cash during college and Chanyeol waltzed in with his guitar for an open mic night.

Chanyeol joins him on the bed, spooning the smaller male with a soft good night.

Truth be told, Kyungsoo would get the same joy if Chanyeol just woke him up the next morning as the sun drifts between their curtains and whispers, “Marry me.”

When his boyfriend fell asleep behind him, Kyungsoo grabs Chanyeol’s arm around his waist and pulls it up to his chest. The hand is warm on his lips, and he couldn’t help but smile into the kiss.

 

 

*

 

 

Kyungsoo should have been an actor with how calm he is about the impending proposal. It’s been a couple of days and Chanyeol has no idea that he already knows. Sure, being a patient person overall helps too. But anyone in his shoes would have a hard time doing the same with a partner that makes him feel like the luckiest man alive.

He cooks breakfast for them in the same manner as before, occasionally singing which makes Chanyeol join in, before they enjoy their meal and kiss each other off for work.

“What time will you be home tonight?”

Chanyeol stops at the door, turning his body a bit to face him. He rubs the back of his neck, something Kyungsoo knows is a nervous habit. It’s one of the small things he loves about him. “I don’t know yet. Why? You want to do something later?”

It should also be known that Kyungsoo deserves an Oscar for controlling his desire for the other man. That thing where newly engaged couples can’t keep their hands off each other turns out to be a very real and very strong fact. Who can even resist Chanyeol?

They’re not even engaged yet but Kyungsoo wants to be the bold one this time and seduce his very attractive boyfriend into never leaving the bedroom. But he simply grins, shrugging. “Nothing specific. Maybe we can have a movie marathon like we used to? I don’t know. I just want to cuddle.”

Chanyeol quirks an eyebrow at this.

Okay, Kyungsoo is also trying to be bold in initiating intimate gestures. Might as well start their honeymoon period early, right? “I mean if you’re free later. I know Friday night gigs with the band ends later at night, but I’ll wait up.”

Not only is he happy about their impending engagement, it made the younger man realize how much he misses just being near the one he loves for long periods of time. Work, responsibilities, and growing up can do that to people. Thankfully, Chanyeol asked Kyungsoo to move in together before their third anniversary so they grew closer to one another instead of apart.

At his request, Chanyeol softens and gives him that smile that makes Kyungsoo weak in the knees. He pulls the guitar case strap higher on his shoulder. “Okay. I’ll text you when we’re done.”

For the rest of the day, Kyungsoo did his best to focus at work. He was quite successful in doing his day-to-day tasks, but his boyfriend pops into his head every once in a while.

It feels exactly like when they first started dating. Kyungsoo would be busy at his part-time job or in Uni and Chanyeol would send him messages in the most inappropriate times to make him laugh, while Kyungsoo calls Chanyeol during band practices to hear his music and telling him to break a leg before gigs.

Even now, they never fail to ask the other if they’ve eaten lunch or have taken a break. Especially when both of them tend to work harder than average and often forget the time.

Kyungsoo can honestly do this for the rest of his life.

It was almost eleven at night when Chanyeol came home to a living room full of blankets, pillows, and the alluring smell of buttered popcorn and nacho cheese. Kyungsoo grabs Chanyeol’s bag so the other can put away his guitar and coat. “Hi.”

Chanyeol pecks his lips. “Hi.”

Kyungsoo’s tired from another busy day at the office, and it must show on his face because his boyfriend looks concerned. “Kyungsoo-yah, we can do this tomorrow and just go to bed.”

“No, no.” He leads Chanyeol to their bedroom, knowing he needs to shower and change first. “The cheese sauce is waiting, our favorite movies are lined up, and this pillow fort is calling our names.”

Chanyeol laughs his wonderful laugh. “If you’re sure, then fine. I’ll be quick.” He runs to the bathroom to get the hot water going.

The sound of the shower fills their home and Kyungsoo goes to the kitchen to get drinks. He comes back to the living room and mulls over if they should start with his favorite movie or Chanyeol’s. He was starting to munch on nachos when Chanyeol’s ringtone breaks the silence.

The giant is still singing in the bathroom, oblivious to the sound of his phone. Kyungsoo was about to find the source of the noise, but the call ended after four rings. So he just sits back down on the couch and bundles himself in blankets.

About a third of the nachos were gone when Chanyeol joins him, “So I remember a request about cuddling. Does the offer still stand?”

Kyungsoo silently opens his arms to make room for Chanyeol and nachos under the blankets.

They click play and focus on the screen and their snacks, not caring if they mess up the sheets with butter and cheese. The first movie was almost done when Chanyeol shifts ever so closely to Kyungsoo, his cheek nuzzling the other’s raven locks. Halfway through the second movie, Kyungsoo’s hand slips under Chanyeol’s shirt, searching for warm skin. And by the time the third movie was playing, both forgot what was on the screen and paid attention to each other’s lips instead.

When they pull apart, Kyungsoo takes deep breaths as Chanyeol composes himself with eyes closed. Chanyeol pecks the corner of his mouth, pleading.

Kyungsoo runs a hand through Chanyeol’s hair before finding rest at the back of his neck. The other man carries him from the couch, turning off the TV and dropping the remote somewhere on the floor.

They were a step away from the living room when Chanyeol's phone rings again. Four rings and it was gone, making Chanyeol stop on his tracks.

Kyungsoo touches Chanyeol's cheek gently, adoring the slight blush. “Need to call back?”

At this time of the week, it was common for the other's phone to ring. Usually it was Chanyeol's bandmates about a possible gig or business with their studio, sometimes it was drunken teasing from his friends about being whipped into domestic life.

When Chanyeol couldn't decide, Kyungsoo chuckles and gets off his hold. It was often his own work calls that interrupt their time together. Kyungsoo can let this slide. “It’s okay.”

He starts to make way for their room, already taking off his shirt and letting Chanyeol’s eyes wash over his back. “Just don't take too long or I'll start without you.”

Kyungsoo dims the lights, letting the moonlight shine over. He discards his pajamas in the dark and crawls under the sheets.

Tonight is different somehow. Maybe it's because they haven't made love for about… when was it? Could be two or three weeks ago. Kyungsoo's desire for Chanyeol is at an all-time high just imagining those large hands bringing his skin to a fever pitch, lips marking every corner, and stretching him raw inch by inch. Kyungsoo wants him now.

It was painful waiting for the other man in his current state, clouded by lust and sensitive to a touch, but it's all worth it as soon as his boyfriend climbs on top of him, capturing his lips like oxygen.

Every movement from the other feels heightened, sharp, searching. Kyungsoo trembles when touched in places he never noticed before. Their mouths hung open, pleading sounds, and warm breaths ghosting over one another.

Chanyeol held Kyungsoo's left hand above his head as fingers travel south. A moan escapes from Kyungsoo's swollen lips, and he bites them shut to keep from screaming when Chanyeol’s digits slips past his cleft.

The sting from his puckered entrance quickly adds a layer of sweat on Kyungsoo's skin, and Chanyeol answers with nipping on the younger man's aching buds, lapping it up to elicit more pleasure.

Kyungsoo holds onto Chanyeol’s hair, not knowing whether to pull him closer for more or push him away to finally get the other’s length inside him. But he couldn't wait anymore. “Chanyeol. Please.”

And he understood. Chanyeol settled between Kyungsoo's legs and he slowly slips into warmth, losing himself at the tightness wrapped around him.

Chanyeol's eyes are closed, unmoving, quiet, and it's making Kyungsoo delirious. He's more than ready for it, he wants to see stars. So he reaches for a shoulder and thrusts into Chanyeol's paused hips, making both of them whimper.

Chanyeol still refuses to open his eyes, but he buries his face in Kyungsoo's neck, pulling away before ramming skin against skin until the bed starts following their rhythm, knocking the wall behind it.

The slick sound of flesh, sweat, and lust fills their ears, and Chanyeol's name is the only word Kyungsoo remembers.

They branded each other with teeth, tongue and nails, engraving the moment into their skin.

Kyungsoo shudders at the hand grabbing his leaking member, fisting him for sweet release as Chanyeol rams deeper and deeper into him.

It was all too much.

“Cha-AH. Chan…”

Before Kyungsoo can say the name one more time, Chanyeol swallows his moans.

 

 

*

 

 

Weekends are special to the couple as it was their time to catch up with one another and finishing their to-do list to maintain their home. On occasion, Kyungsoo visits Chanyeol's music studio to hear his boyfriend's music or proudly listen to his collaboration projects with other budding singers and musicians.

Today, they wanted to just lie in bed until their stomachs grumbled for food before going to the mall to pick up a few things.

On their way there, Kyungsoo is staring out the car window with a small smile on his face as Chanyeol drives, humming along to the radio.

He was so content that he nearly missed the question thrown at him. “What?”

Chanyeol chuckles beside him, adorable crinkled eyes on the road. “I asked if you had plans next Friday night. The band's gig for next week was moved to Saturday, so I was thinking we can go out if you can get off work early.”

Kyungsoo can clearly see the twinkle in his man's eyes, and it's so hard to keep his face perfectly neutral before answering, “Sure, I can squeeze you in.”

“Wear something nice, okay? No Nike sweats.” Chanyeol sneaks a peek at him, grinning cheekily.

Kyungsoo playfully hits the man’s thighs, close to saying both of them collect plenty of comfort wear. “Just keep driving.”

 

 

*

 

 

From the day of Chanyeol's date invitation, Kyungsoo quietly anticipated the night.

He even bought a nice black dress shirt to pair with his favorite pants and the suit jacket that Chanyeol always finds irresistible.

Come Friday, Kyungsoo made sure that all his work was done so he can clock out early to take a bath at home and get dressed. Maybe even style his hair up or something.

It was almost seven at night when Kyungsoo started to worry. Chanyeol said they need to leave their home at seven sharp for their dinner reservation at eight, but the older one still isn't here to get ready.

There's only five minutes left for their planned schedule. Kyungsoo is about to call his boyfriend when the doorbell broke his concerns.

On the other side is a pleasant surprise. Chanyeol is dressed in a fitted dark blue suit, hair slicked back, a handsome smile on his face, and a bouquet of flowers in his hands.

Kyungsoo blinked, taking in the sight. “Chan-“

“Don’t you look dashing?” The bass of Chanyeol's voice and that lustful gaze of his sends shivers down Kyungsoo's spine. All black really is his signature style.

But the man in front of him looks perfect from head to toe, and Kyungsoo would kiss the life out of him if they didn't have a date tonight. So he settled with pulling Chanyeol by the collar for a chaste one. His boyfriend’s cologne and the perfume of the flowers twists his heart.

Chanyeol gave one last peck to the right corner of his mouth before opening his eyes. Kyungsoo grabs the flowers and quickly puts them in a vase with water, his favorite pastel shades instantly adding more life to their home.

By the time they were seated to their table, Kyungsoo takes in the restaurant that Chanyeol chose for them. The place was sophisticated and the minimalistic décor is pleasing to the eye. The soft glow of lights makes the surrounding intimate even though the tables have plenty of room between them, and the color perfectly highlights Chanyeol's striking face.

This restaurant isn't their favorite one, they haven't spent celebrated any occasion here, and it's the first time that both of them have visited.

But maybe…

Kyungsoo bites his lips. “We’ve passed by here a million times. I didn’t know it was this nice inside.”

Chanyeol gives him a confident grin, casually running a hand through his hair, and _Jesus_ , Kyungsoo would get down on one knee right now if he could. But he waits, playing with the napkin on his lap.

“I saw this restaurant around our first anniversary. I wanted to take you somewhere special, but with my savings from busking and part-time gigs killed by bills and student expenses, I couldn’t afford it. So I promised that when I did save enough, I’d take you here, no matter how long it takes.”

The younger knows that his boyfriend is gifted in music, and right now those words make his heart sing, beating to a rhythm that Kyungsoo could barely keep up with.

Dinner was as lovely as the way they stare into each other’s eyes, and quiet laughter joins the restaurant’s elegant music to fill the space between them. Soon after, dessert was about to be served but Chanyeol takes Kyungsoo’s hand in his.

Is this it? This is it, isn’t it?

Kyungsoo can’t breathe.

Chanyeol just pulls him in deeper into his eyes, keeping him still. “Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo-yah.” Chanyeol reaches inside his suit with his other hand.

It’s also getting harder to focus. Everything’s blurry, but it just makes Kyungsoo hold onto Chanyeol’s hand tighter.

The box that was placed on the table is bigger from what Kyungsoo recalls. Did Chanyeol get them matching rings instead?

But instead of possible wedding bands, inside is a chic silver wristwatch with black trimmings. Chanyeol proudly places the watch around Kyungsoo’s wrist, satisfied.

It’s an amazing gift but not what Kyungsoo was expecting. He hides the twinge of disappointment with a grateful smile. “What’s this for?”

His boyfriend just looks at him happily. “Well, my studio and band’s been doing pretty well and we haven’t properly celebrated your promotion too. I thought you could wear this to work and always think of tonight.”

“Oh.” Kyungsoo doesn’t really wear watches because it feels heavy on him, but seeing the expression on Chanyeol’s face is enough for him to try to start. He looks over the watch again on his wrist, the image of Chanyeol working hard to earn money and taking his time to pick this out for him tugging at his chest, turning his lips upwards. “I will.”

As dessert arrives at their table, their night grew sweeter. Kyungsoo thought tonight would go in another direction, but he knows Chanyeol’s heart is in the right place. He can wait when the other man is ready.

 

 

*

 

 

When the night casts its shadow in their room, Chanyeol is sleeping soundly beside Kyungsoo. The younger man couldn’t doze off just yet and takes this as an excuse to just memorize the other’s face.

Chanyeol’s features are now more defined, jaw sharp that it could cut you, nose slightly thinner and dips adoringly towards his now plumper lips. Even years later, his eyes seem to look open when he’s dreaming, and Kyungsoo silently shakes from his side of the bed, amused. He gently reaches out to close them, melting when Chanyeol leans in to his touch.

Kyungsoo’s hand travels from Chanyeol’s eyes to sweeping the fallen bangs away from his forehead, carding through soft curls of hair, before his fingers ghost over the giant’s elf ears.

Chanyeol smiles in his sleep at the sensation, sighing. And it makes Kyungsoo repeat, trying not to wake up his boyfriend with his ministrations, delighted with the scene in front of him.

At least until Chanyeol murmurs, “Baekhyun.”

 

 

*

 

 

Kyungsoo watches Chanyeol across the table, enjoying the breakfast he made for them both. The man keeps on munching, checking his messages, calls, and emails on routine. When he scratches his ear from habit, Kyungsoo feels a pit in his stomach.

He remembers the way Chanyeol said some other name in their bed. He remembers the way Chanyeol, sound asleep, grabbed his hand with such gentleness, kissing a thumb before snuggling closer to him. He also remembers the way Chanyeol woke up behind him, quietly getting off the bed and not bothering to kiss or even touch his shoulder or hair or anything.

The other must have felt the eyes that haven’t left him since they sat down because he looks up from his phone, swallows his food, and gives a bright grin.

Kyungsoo shakes off the uneasiness. “Are you coming home tonight?”

Chanyeol looks thoughtful, taking a swig of orange juice before he looks back at Kyungsoo. “Sorry, Soo. Our gig could end at around two in the morning. I’ll just crash at the studio or maybe with one of the guys. Depends on who’s the most sober.”

The younger man worries his bottom lip, knowing he shouldn’t let Chanyeol leave. But he also knows that he can’t hold him back. He gripped his coffee mug tighter. “Can I come watch tonight? It’s been a while.”

At this, Chanyeol does look sorry. “I wish you could, but the venue sold tickets. I didn’t think you’d be able to go so I just gave my comped one to someone else.”

_Baekhyun?_

Chanyeol finishes up his meal quickly and puts his plate and utensils in the sink. “Tell you what. Next time we get a low-key event, I’ll definitely save my ticket for you.” He hugs Kyungsoo from behind, resting a chin above his head. “I know you don’t really like the bigger, noisier venues we usually play at.”

Kyungsoo clings to the warm hold, weaving their fingers together. “Just come back when you’re done, okay?”

A pair of lips nuzzles his hair.

They walk to the door, Chanyeol hauling his heavy guitar with Kyungsoo trailing behind him, the other’s coat in his hands. The taller turns to him, smiling so bright that Kyungsoo almost forgets. “Wish us luck tonight.”

Kyungsoo helps Chanyeol wear his coat, fingers gripping the collars. He stares deep into his boyfriend’s eyes before sealing the moment with a kiss. Kyungsoo pulls away before he can’t find it in him to let go. “Break a leg out there.”

Chanyeol keeps his eyes closed and pecks him on the corner of his mouth.

Kyungsoo watches Chanyeol’s back from across the hall until he disappears.

 

 

*

 

 

Two months have passed and everything seemed normal again, but it would be a lie to say that Kyungsoo forgot the name he hasn’t heard of before.

He violently argued with himself that he can forgive this one tiny slipup that stained their relationship. Chanyeol isn’t known to make the same mistakes twice anyway. Kyungsoo trusts that part of him. He has to.

Besides, it was easy to get past it when Chanyeol has been the perfect boyfriend that he is. He even planned a summer getaway just for the two of them, and all because Chanyeol thinks Kyungsoo deserves a long overdue vacation.

“Kyungsoo-yah. Don’t forget to talk to your boss, okay? I need time off with my boyfriend.” Chanyeol peppers him with kisses and Kyungsoo just laughs, swatting him away so he can leave for the door.

“I will. Start packing your things, okay? I don’t want us to run out of underwear again so early in our trip.”

His boyfriend looks offended. “That was one time, Soo. ONE TIME.”

“One time in the freezing mountains.” Kyungsoo rolls his eyes, grabbing his bag from the table near their door.

Chanyeol leans on the frame, arms crossed with a smug smile on his face. “It’s not like we ever wore much underwear in the cabin.” Bending low, he presses his nose to Kyungsoo’s. “And I don’t remember you complaining when we didn’t wear much else for most of the trip too.”

They were inches away from closing the gap between them when Chanyeol’s phone blared. The taller man stops, and Kyungsoo’s eyes peered from his mouth to his eyes, breathing heavily. He can see Chanyeol waiting for something.

But after four rings, Chanyeol just grins it away and pecks the corner of Kyungsoo’s mouth. “Have a great day at work.”

And Kyungsoo did have fun at work so far. His boss approved his vacation leave application with relative ease, saying how their newly minted Marketing Manager has been working so hard since his promotion and deserves a break.

His officemate Jongin not only offered to help look after Kyungsoo’s juniors and interns but also to manage the more pressing assignments he’ll be leaving behind. “You go fly to Jejudo to fish or something. We got this.” Jongin and Junmyeon nod in agreement.

Kyungsoo gives an amused chuckle to his coworkers. They were always so nice to him, which is why he loves his job no matter how challenging it can be. “Thanks, guys.”

“Don’t forget us when you’re buying souvenirs.” Junmyeon grins at him one last time, cheeks in full puff, before they leave Kyungsoo’s office.

The rest of his time working was standard, but the excitement of going home to Chanyeol so they can start getting ready for their trip gives him that extra boost of energy. Knowing his boyfriend, he probably filled one suitcase with only their underwear just to spite him.

To his surprise, Chanyeol did pack as best as he could and neatly too. Kyungsoo is actually impressed. “Wow. I don’t even need to do much for my own bag.”

Chanyeol’s dimple appears and he wraps his small boyfriend into his hold. “Thought we could make kimchi spaghetti before we fill ourselves with seafood in Jejudo.”

“Ah.” Kyungsoo taps his boyfriend’s nose, brows knitting. “So this wasn’t you being nice and thoughtful. You want something from me.”

The giant pretends to bite Kyungsoo’s neck, nuzzling in the small corner. “I just miss making dinner with you.”

Those magic words are all it takes for Kyungsoo to give in. He misses doing so many things with Chanyeol too. That’s why he couldn’t stop smiling as their home gets filled with the sound of pots and pans, sizzling meat and sauce, and a couple of Chanyeol’s latest projects from his studio.

They wash the dishes together too, and Kyungsoo was going to check their bags again but Chanyeol pulls him into the shower with him.

With an early flight tomorrow, the couple turns in early. But because they’re both excited to see the ocean again, they end up staying awake for a couple more hours just talking about what they wanted to do in Jeju for a week.

Kyungsoo seemed to have fallen asleep first because the next thing he sees is Chanyeol gently shaking him awake, standing in his boxers and it takes a lot out of Kyungsoo not to pull his gorgeous boyfriend back in bed.

But they get up, make it to their flight, and everything from there has gone smoothly. It wasn’t long before the both of them reach their rented beach house. Chanyeol let Kyungsoo get more rest, closing the curtains to block most of the sunlight.

At around three in the afternoon, Kyungsoo hums as he tries to get rid of the sleep in his eyes, catching Chanyeol gazing at him, guitar pick between his lips, as he plays a sweet tune from across the room. Kyungsoo pulls the covers closer to his face, hiding from the other’s intense gaze and peeking underneath the sheets with just one eye. “What?”

But Chanyeol just continues to stare, concentrating on him and the music.

“Chanyeolie.”

This makes Chanyeol blink and he stops playing, plucking the pick away from his mouth. “Yeah?”

Kyungsoo clutches the sheet under his chin. “Let’s go outside.”

“Can I bring my guitar?”

Kyungsoo nods timidly from the bed. He wants to say that Chanyeol should only strap on his guitar and nothing else, but he keeps it to himself because they’re staying at a public beach.

Most of the time it was just the two of them, the sun, the ocean, Kyungsoo’s camera, and Chanyeol’s guitar. A day was reserved for them to sail the seas and snorkeling. They make an attempt at fishing too, Chanyeol even going as far as playing a tune for them because “Music tames the beasts!” but ended up with them sharing a small piece of caught fish before caving into buying takeout at a nearby seafood house.

But most of the time, they stay either on the beach or near it. Touches filled spaces between them and kisses brushed away silences as the water serenades them.

Kyungsoo’s skin gets golden each passing day and Chanyeol shows how much he adores it by dragging him between the sheets and working his tongue all over the sun-kissed expanse of flesh, making him glisten even more until he could only writhe underneath Chanyeol’s tight grip.

When did he get this strong? The younger of them could barely move.

Every teasing and taste of his skin turns Kyungsoo into a mess, only incoherent sounds passing between his lips. If this goes on any longer, he would lose his mind.

Thankfully, but not entirely, they were supposed to go back home tomorrow, back to reality and to their working adult lives. But the calmness of Jeju is still lulling them into a pampered state that isn’t as willing to let them leave. Chanyeol fell asleep on the hammock with Kyungsoo between his arms as the wind sways them along with the current.

But Kyungsoo woke up with the need for a drink, feeling parched from being outside for several hours. But how can anyone even think of moving away from where he was when Chanyeol’s breathing makes everything else stop?

With a smile, he pecks the taller man to stir him lightly awake.  “Sorry, I need some water.”

Getting out of the hammock is a bit of challenge, especially with Chanyeol’s gangly limbs, but Kyungsoo manages to get out in one piece. He quickly walks back to their beach house, the soft sound of Chanyeol’s guitar trailing behind his steps.

The cold drink and the view of Chanyeol happily joining the lullaby of the sea feels so refreshing. Kyungsoo was about to join him, but the buzzing noise from one of the tables catches his attention.

Chanyeol’s phone cuts through their peaceful vacation. Kyungsoo thinks he should call his boyfriend to answer it in case it was important, but seeing how the giant is content outside, he decides to take a message instead.

He just missed the call by the fourth ring when he picks up the phone. Kyungsoo just shrugs and turns away, but the phone started buzzing again with a message.

Thinking it could be urgent, he takes it off the table with the intent of passing it along but what he sees on the locked screen dries his throat.

 

 

**BH**

Enjoying Jejudo with the boyfriend?

 

**BH**

Sorry for cancelling last time.

 

**BH**

I might be free when you get back. Call me.

 

 

It was getting harder to breathe. He knows it’s the same person. Kyungsoo blinks. His eyes scan the phone, the beautiful house he’s in, the postcard perfect scenery framing his boyfriend just outside.

Nothing makes sense to him.

A good chunk of time must have passed because Chanyeol turns towards him from the hammock, waving at him with a blinding smile. Kyungsoo swears the sun can’t compete with that.

But it makes his heart break even more.

Hours later and he was still shaken. Quiet. Not knowing what he should say.

This is not what Kyungsoo is supposed to be doing.

He shouldn’t stay silent when Chanyeol’s full attention is on him during dinner, during their last night in a place he used to dream of.

He shouldn’t avoid reaching back to the man holding out his hand for him to take.

Chanyeol has a worried look on his face and Kyungsoo doesn’t know how to feel, at least not right now. “Soo-yah. You okay?”

And Kyungsoo wants to laugh, not knowing whether he should cry or shout or slap the man in front of him. He wants to stop his chest from heaving before he broke down.

But he nods. This is what you’re supposed to do when you don’t want to let go. Right?

Kyungsoo knows Chanyeol doesn’t buy it, and he tries really hard not to read too much into how the other man spots a lie so easily. “I just have a headache.”

His boyfriend scoots closer to him, food forgotten on the table. “Let’s call it a night?”

The feel of Chanyeol’s hand on his head, gently carding his hair, is only making the tempest in his mind even worse. Again, Chanyeol reads him clearly and stops what he’s doing, settling his hands to pull the man up and away from the kitchen and into their bedroom instead.

The foreign sound of a laugh makes the younger man focus again. Nothing is funny about what’s happening.

He looks up at Chanyeol leading him, seeing a guilty smile. “If you’re tired because I got too excited this week, sorry about that. Couldn’t help it when my boyfriend looks so good all tan, muscles shining, hair constantly drenched by the ocean.”

And he can hear it. Chanyeol wants him. It’s there.

It’s there in the way Chanyeol helps him get undressed into something more comfortable, not questioning his quietness and keeps him so close. It’s there in the moment Chanyeol tugs at him in bed until they erase the line of personal space. And it’s there in the way Chanyeol wipes away the stray tear in Kyungsoo’s eye and gently asking, “What’s wrong?”

Kyungsoo closes his eyes, not letting any more spill. His strength slowly leaves his body when warm hands weave around him.

“I don’t want this to end.”

There’s a breath of relief somewhere in front of him, and even with eyes shut, he can just feel Chanyeol’s lips tug upward. “It’s okay. We have plenty more vacations in our future.”

They have known each other for eight years and have been together for almost six. In truth, he has never doubted spending more with Chanyeol. Not until now at least.

Kyungsoo opens his eyes, seeing the other patiently waiting for him. And he says, “I love you.”

Because he wants to believe. And that’s what you do when you love someone.

 

 

*

 

 

If Kyungsoo thinks about their situation in a logical sense, he figures the infidelity is Chanyeol’s way of “getting it out of his system” before they settle down. The guy already bought a ring for goodness sake, and Kyungsoo knows Chanyeol isn’t one to waste money. It’s one of the many things they have in common.

A smaller and more vulnerable part of him, though, is telling him otherwise. Chanyeol is bored of him, tired of monogamy especially after receiving success in the field that he loves. Kyungsoo isn’t enough anymore and his boyfriend has realized that, knowing he could do better.

These thoughts, the fears and doubts, all of it are starting to strain their relationship more than it already seemed to be without him even knowing. But Kyungsoo acts like he’s in the shadows, hoping to whoever might be up there and against all odds that the man he fell in love with is still there.

His recent odd behavior doesn’t seem to alarm Chanyeol, probably thinking it was just Kyungsoo’s reserved personality.

Every sweet kiss and touch that they exchange each day adds up to months of being the same people they used to be, making it easier to give his boyfriend every chance he could give.

 

 

*

 

 

Something was wrong.

Chanyeol wasn’t supposed to come home tonight. Knowing this, Kyungsoo took some of his work back with him, figuring he can finish more this coming weekend without distractions.

The door slamming makes him flinch and he peeks out from his home office. His boyfriend drops his guitar case carelessly, shaking off his jacket and running a hand through his hair in a huff.

Kyungsoo can see Chanyeol’s pained breathing and it pulls him in like gravity.  He reaches up the giant’s forehead, brushing away stray hairs slick with cold sweat. “Hey.”

Refusing to meet his eyes, the other man closes them, biting his lower lip in anger.

“I thought you’d be back tomorrow. What happened?”

Chanyeol sighs, shaking his head. “Something came up.”

“Think you can reschedule the gig?”

At this, Chanyeol looks at him. “Hmm?”

Kyungsoo smiles, soothingly rubbing the other’s nape. “It’s not like this hasn’t happened before, right? I’m sure Jongdae can fix this or even find something better, make them regret dropping you.”

“Regret, huh?”

The younger man nods, happy to see Chanyeol somehow feeling better. He pulls his boyfriend into the kitchen, trying to think of a recipe with the food they have left. “I only cooked for one earlier, so you have to wait for a little while.”

Seems like his boyfriend has other ideas going through his head. Instead of following, Chanyeol tugs Kyungsoo’s hand in his, pulling him into a kiss. Deep. Longing. Meaningful.

It leaves the younger one breathless. “I-I actually have some work to do tonight.”

But Chanyeol ignores him, refusing another rejection tonight it seems. Kyungsoo feels a hand on his cheek, keeping him there as their lips slowly bruise each other, swollen and tender. Another hand sneaks past his shirt, drawing warm circles on his hip bone.

“Chanyeol.” He gasps as he’s pulled flush against the man’s body, the side of his neck bitten. Chanyeol unbuttons the younger’s pants, eyes lidded and skin flushed.

Kyungsoo pulls up his boyfriend’s hoodie, leaving it by their feet, capturing the other into a heated kiss, breaths mingling as their hands explore until there’s only skin left.

He pulls away, suddenly aware that they’re naked and nowhere near their bedroom, cheeks heating up.

“You’re adorable.”

The smaller one just closes his eyes, hiding his face on the giant’s chest. “Shut up.”

Chanyeol just lifts him up, waiting for legs to wrap around his middle, before heading to their room. “I hope you don’t have any plans outside of work for the next few weeks.”

Kyungsoo bites back Chanyeol’s neck, matching the bruise he just got. “Not that I can think of.”

“Great. Because I’m not letting you leave the bed.” He opens the door to their room, crawling on top of their mattress. Kyungsoo looks up at him with bewilderment and joy in his eyes.

And they get lost in each other. Chanyeol fills every nook and cranny of Kyungsoo, painting him with him with marks and slick like there’s no tomorrow. It feels good.

God, the way Chanyeol opens him up leaves Kyungsoo’s mouth hung open, silent screams making him tremble.

Everything feels good.

They stop only to catch their breath, and for the first time in a while, Kyungsoo ignores the clock by their nightstand, not thinking of how he’ll need to keep his eyes open at work later and just focusing on how Chanyeol meets his hips, skin on fire and feverish with sweat.

It was awhile before they felt satiated enough to sleep, with Chanyeol holding him from behind, the ruined sheets barely covering them.

When Kyungsoo’s morning alarm woke them, the other kept his hold on his torso, nuzzling against his nape and arousal rubbing his backside soon after.

They make love sweet and slow, lying on their sides and flushed together in a tortuous rhythm. Chanyeol gently turns Kyungsoo’s head towards him, capturing his still tender lips in lust-filled breaths and morning kisses.

Even hours later, Kyungsoo can feel Chanyeol’s plump lips and sinful tongue everywhere as he tries to work on a presentation at the office. It doesn’t help when his boyfriend sends him teasing texts here and there, telling him to come home as soon as his shift’s over.

It was also quite dangerous when Chanyeol calls Kyungsoo during his drive after work, knowing the younger man plugs his phone to the car so he can answer calls without taking away his focus on the road. Dirty words combined with Chanyeol’s deep voice were coming off of Kyungsoo’s speakers and he kept fidgeting all the way home until the culprit opens the door to their home where he proceeded to tackle the taller, mad and hungry, as his boyfriend just laughs under him.

They forget the takeout that Chanyeol brought home tonight, both deciding to just eat after.

Kyungsoo started to feel sore at one point, but the pain was mixing in well with pleasure until it disappeared. Plus the view of Chanyeol with his head back, eyes closed, mouth agape with moans, and veins exposed on his long neck because of how good Kyungsoo makes him feel is all worth it.

They hear a phone ringing outside, most likely Chanyeol’s because he’s rarely this early at home and his bandmates or coworkers at the studio could be looking for him. Kyungsoo gently pushes Chanyeol’s chest. “I think it’s yours.”

The giant just laughs, nipping at Kyungsoo’s thick lips. “It’s fine.”

And that was that for now, with them only leaving the room that night to get the food they left behind.

Over the next several days, Kyungsoo feels both giddy and worried when he catches his reflection in the bathroom mirror. It seems like there’s always a new mark on him every time he sees himself, with old ones still on the way to healing. And when he complains about it to his boyfriend, he only gets a laugh and a new hickey popping out before they both leave for work.

Even his coworkers have started to notice, with Jongin laughing melodiously in his face and Junmyeon trying his best not to stare openly.

Jongin nudges his shoulder with a big grin on his face. “So that’s why you’re glowing. You’re getting some real good loving at home.”

Junmyeon’s eye is starting to twitch and Kyungsoo is not far behind. He shoos away the younger man so he could go back to typing. “I should report you to HR. I’m sure I would be doing the company a service if I do.”

And the eldest agrees. There are just lines you don’t cross, at least not at the place they work. “Come on, Jongin-ah. Let’s leave Kyungsoo alone. You can ask him all about it when we go out for drinks.”

Needless to say, Kyungsoo started wearing turtlenecks again in the middle of summer just so his friends would give him peace.

But he does wonder if Chanyeol’s getting teased at his job too. He’s a hundred percent sure that Sehun would laugh at him, and a high-five from Kris is bound to happen. Yixing would probably be shocked, preferring intimate details to stay between the people involved, while Jongdae asks for as much information as possible.

At the thought of his boyfriend, Kyungsoo takes his phone off his desk. He peeks through his glass walls to see if anyone is keeping an eye on him before dialing Chanyeol’s number. His heart may or may not have skipped a beat when the giant picks up after one ring. “Hey.”

“ _Hi._ ”   

Kyungsoo can hear the smile over the line, making him grin back. “What time will you be home?”

“ _Maybe two or three hours after you get there._ ” His fingers twitch at Chanyeol’s low chuckle. “ _Why? Aching for it already?_ ”

Kyungsoo snorts but plays along. Never mind the tightness in his stomach. “Well, I have nothing to do later. Might as well be you, right? I even searched for new positions today that we can try. So we can be productive. Plus I want to see if my Pilates sessions are paying off.”

“ _Yah. Not fair. Don’t say things like that when I’m about to record a new song._ ” Chanyeol groans from the other end, making Kyungsoo grin. “ _I’m coming home an hour after you._ ”

He couldn’t help the loud laugh that escaped him, shaking his head when he hears more groaning on the line.

Back at their apartment, Kyungsoo takes a long hot bath to ease the knots in his muscles. He scrubs away the dirt and tension from his skin, nose crinkling at the fruity scent of Chanyeol’s favorite body wash.

When the water started getting cold, he moves out of the tub and grabs his robe. He lazily dries his hair, already thinking of opening a bottle of red wine.

Kyungsoo is on his second glass, surfing channels on the TV, when he hears Chanyeol humming to the jingle of his keys, trying to open the door. He stands up to greet him but their house phone suddenly rings.

Turning down the volume of the TV, Kyungsoo picks up the call with a small wave to his boyfriend who was putting away his guitar and coat. “Hello?”

Chanyeol quietly walks towards him, emptying the wine glass as Kyungsoo listened to the person on the line. It was getting hard to concentrate on the voice from the other end of the phone when Chanyeol is untying the knot of his black robe, fingers grazing his warm skin. “Yeah, this is his apartment.”

Kyungsoo shivers at the feel of Chanyeol’s lips behind his ear, hot breath almost making him gasp. His eyes flutter close, leaning into the other’s touches. “U-uh. Sorry. Can you repeat that?” He squeezed the man’s wrist to keep him from moving, making Chanyeol grin.

But his grip turns deadly a second later, eyes shot open. “Who?”

Chanyeol pulled away, a questioning look on his face. Kyungsoo can’t breathe, but it’s odd how his heart keeps beating at a deafening pace. He shivers again.

Kyungsoo pushed the phone in Chanyeol’s hand, doing his best to keep what little calm he has left. “For you. It’s Baekhyun.”

There’s a moment where they just stare at each other, waiting for something to drop. Chanyeol looks torn, and Kyungsoo is expecting him to say finally it, the truth, but a part of him is wishing for the man, _his_ man, to hang up the phone instead.

But Chanyeol steps farther away from him, a sorry smile on his face. “I have to take this.”

Kyungsoo ties back his robe while the other walks into the kitchen, hushed voice hissing into the phone. He walks past him for the bedroom, fist clenching when he hears Chanyeol’s panicked, “Are you _crazy_?!”

Kyungsoo tries to even his breathing in their room, ignoring the whispers and little untruths filling the home they built together. He can wait. Chanyeol always comes back to him anyway.

He focuses on the ticking of the wristwatch Chanyeol got him, watching the hands move, wondering if each one would overlap each other before the other man joins him on the bed.

Kyungsoo didn’t close the door all the way and he can hear the faintest sound of Chanyeol hissing, “ _You_ cancelled on me. _Again_.”

And isn’t that what also happened before when Chanyeol took him on that beach vacation in Jeju?

His body is shaking above the covers. Kyungsoo’s skin felt clammy at the thought of his boyfriend punishing the person he’s having an affair with by being the perfect boyfriend.

The ticking of the wristwatch snaps him back. But a sinking feeling settled in his gut. Did Chanyeol give him that expensive gift out of guilt? Was it his way of justifying sleeping with someone else?

Maybe seconds, minutes or hours have passed as he lies there.

They must really like each other if their fight got resolved in the span of a single phone call. Kyungsoo quickly puts on a shirt and sweats when the soft voices from outside turned into laughter.

It felt like mockery and he wants to scream.

He pads on out of their bedroom to his home office, sitting on his desk chair as he emptily stares into the other half of the room where Chanyeol set up his home studio.

Kyungsoo remembers when the whole place used to be empty.

A little over three years ago, the two of them were walking home from work when Chanyeol suggested they stop by the apartment building. His boyfriend grabbed him by the hand and giddily walked up the stairs after seeing ads looking for new renters.

Kyungsoo remembers talking to the landlord discussing payment plans while Chanyeol silently walked around the bare rooms. He could tell that the man was picturing where he would put his things, what colors he would paint the walls, and which furniture would look best.

When the owner left them alone to get a better feel of the apartment, Chanyeol stopped walking, a bright smile on his face. It looked like trouble. “So what do you think?”

Kyungsoo hummed, looking around the place. “It’s a great place for what it’s worth. Plenty of room for your gear and not too far from your studio too.” He liked the views outside the windows and the kitchen looked straight out of a catalog. The bathtub was a definite plus and the possible bedrooms are quite spacious. Plus the neighborhood is great.

“Yeah.” Chanyeol nodded. “Not far from your office too.”

“What?”

“Move in with me.”

The feel of strong arms curling around him made Kyungsoo go quiet. Chanyeol’s body heat warmed him to the tips of his fingers, and Kyungsoo almost laughed when the tall man nuzzled his nose in his hair. It felt like coming home.

That’s why he said, “Okay.”

For the next couple of weeks, Chanyeol’s sister and Kyungsoo’s brother switched around to help them move into their new place. It made his heart swell when Chanyeol giddily opened the apartment for the first time using their own keys.

They let the boxes pile up in every odd corner as they paint the walls of their bedroom and shared work space. Kyungsoo remembers how they agreed to use two colors with one wall painted different from the other three. And instead of unpacking more boxes until the paint dries, they would play cards or Chanyeol would bring out his guitar to play soft melodies while Kyungsoo would lean on him as he reads a book since they haven’t set up their TV yet.

When their third anniversary came around, they still didn’t have enough furniture so they spent the night eating takeout on the floor with Chanyeol’s self-composed song playing on his phone.

Soon after, the place became more habitable little by little. Kyungsoo took videos of Chanyeol lifting, pushing, and pulling furniture, very much enjoying each second. The taller man didn’t mind what little help Kyungsoo gave as long as they could make out on every surface Chanyeol was arranging.

It didn’t take long for their apartment to become a home with their own touch and personality scattered in every corner – cook books, music sheets, endless sweats, guitar picks, an impressive entertainment system for their love of movies and video games, rows of colored sneakers, and of course photos of their families and each other here and there.

But now, now as he hides behind his office desk, knees clutched to his chest as he looks at Chanyeol’s side of the room, Kyungsoo wonders how their shared space has a divide he never noticed before.

It was exhausting thinking over every little detail of their relationship to figure out where things went wrong. What could he have done differently? Where was he lacking? Why isn’t he enough?

And those same questions haunt Kyungsoo even as he came back to bed, pretending to sleep, paralyzing him to the point where he didn’t reach out to Chanyeol and just stayed on his side of the mattress.

With each unanswered doubt and fear drowning out his boyfriend’s calm breathing next to him, Kyungsoo feels bits and pieces of him getting lost.

He wonders if the two of them still fit when he’s starting to break like this.

 

 

*

 

 

Kyungsoo must not have been great at hiding his problems at work because his friends are trying their damnedest to take him out to lunch or after work and just spend time with them.

Junmyeon and Jongin are kind enough not to point out how Kyungsoo looks like death, but he could only laugh lifelessly. He turns them down every time, not wanting to bring doom and gloom to their little group.

He wants to focus on work and work alone to save as much energy as he can to face Chanyeol back at home. Well, _if_ Chanyeol comes back home.

He and his lover must be on great terms again seeing as Kyungsoo has spent several nights alone over the past couple of weeks. Chanyeol’s also returning his calls much later than he used to. Even Chanyeol’s bandmates are avoiding his calls. And it was getting harder to drop by the music studio without an appointment. That last one is new.

But now’s not the time to think about all that. His focus should be on the papers he brought to his working lunch out and the meal he ordered. The little bistro serves delicious food but it’s not yet too popular so he could enjoy some peace and quiet in his booth and actually finish a task or two.

Kyungsoo was about to ask for the check, but his hand stops mid-air when Chanyeol walks in, hand in hand with someone else. Someone beautiful.

His heart stops beating beneath the shadows of his booth, cloaked by the noise and movement of other people.

The other two sit down several tables away from him, hands lightly touching, and smiling like they didn’t have a care in the world.

So that’s _him_.

Kyungsoo didn’t know what to feel finally seeing the person Chanyeol is risking their relationship for. The guy looks nothing like him, lithe stature dressed in expensive looking clothes, ashy hair and sharp face made up. From the way he moves and talks, it seems even their personalities are on opposite ends of the spectrum.

In the many scenarios that Kyungsoo imagined of catching Chanyeol red-handed, there were two ways how things would play out – either Kyungsoo makes a scene punching both men or he would just walk away and never look back.

Kyungsoo is about to stand up from his booth, heart hammering back to life, ready to do the former choice with fists clenched tight. But his knees buckle when Chanyeol takes the other man’s hand, bringing it to his lips.

The light reflects off of the ring on Baekhyun’s finger, the very same ring Kyungsoo so foolishly thought was meant for him.

And there it is, the smile that reveals the endearing crinkles of Chanyeol’s eyes when he’s happy.

The two could barely tear their eyes away from each other even when the waiter comes to ask for their orders.

Kyungsoo’s hands are shaking as he call’s Chanyeol’s phone, wishing against all odds that his boyfriend would pick up. He didn’t want to look, but his eyes naturally wander back the scene he never wished to see.

When Chanyeol’s ringtone join the white noise of the restaurant, his boyfriend glances at his phone. Before he could make up his mind on whether to answer it or not, Baekhyun grabs the device with a chuckle, fucking ring glistening in the room.

It looks like Chanyeol is daring the man to answer, as if the simple act didn’t bother him in the least, maybe in the same way he treats his relationship with Kyungsoo. Like it’s a game.

But Baekhyun ends the call, Kyungsoo swiftly types a text for Chanyeol, asking him to come home tonight. He sees Baekhyun read it first before holding the phone out to its owner, a sly quirk of the eyebrow telling Chanyeol to choose.

And even if Kyungsoo wanted to look away, he couldn’t. Maybe he wants to see who his boyfriend would choose too.

He could just make out the words ‘You’re mine’ from the man’s thin lips before it turns into a devilish smirk, whipping Chanyeol into submission. And Kyungsoo expected the apology, the false excuse of why his boyfriend needed to be away sent his way.

Their hands reached out for each other like magnets not a second later. Baekhyun looks back at Chanyeol with a blinding smile.

Kyungsoo swears he can’t compete with that.

And it breaks what little heart he has left.

He couldn’t watch any longer. He wants to leave, to escape this nightmare, but he can’t. They would see him in this pathetic state. He doesn’t want to go back home either. No one was waiting for him there anyway.

Kyungsoo dials his phone again, and thankfully his call gets answered this time. “Jonginie. Take me with you.”

The following days were more of the same. Whenever Chanyeol refuses to go home, Kyungsoo goes drinking with his friends. He’s trying to see how many drinks he needed before he could laugh genuinely again and it usually amounts to him being trashed the next day.

Kyungsoo doesn’t know if Chanyeol even notices or chooses to ignore how he’s faring. But whenever he wakes up with warm blankets wrapped around him and food waiting on the table, or when Kyungsoo is on the receiving end of Chanyeol’s loving looks, even if it’s a poor reflection of what he saw for that other man, it was easy to let Chanyeol off the hook again and again.

But he quickly got used to needing alcohol in his system to fall asleep. It was either that or crying himself to sleep, because couldn’t forget the image of seeing the man he wants to spend his life with falling for someone else. He remembers the way Chanyeol was with his lover, smiling wider, sometimes gentler, and openly kissing the other man’s hand in public.

They’re all smiles and affection. Anyone will look at those two and think they just make sense.

The scene burns his eyes every time it flashes in his mind. Even when he somehow makes it home from a night of heavy drinking with his coworkers and manages to find the bed he shares with Chanyeol, the image is still behind his closed lids.

His fears have come to life in the form of a breathtaking man sweeping away the love of his life like a storm that no one saw coming.

That’s what hurt the most.

Kyungsoo worries his bottom lip, trying with every fiber of his being to soothe the aching vice grip somewhere in his chest, tears coming down like lead until he couldn’t see.

It isn’t fair. Kyungsoo was first. He loved Chanyeol first. He is Chanyeol’s first choice. But now Kyungsoo is second-guessing everything between them.

How could he have known that being first doesn’t equal being the only one? Now it just feels like he’s the safe option. Kyungsoo never thought that thinking of the person you love as safe, as home, would ever hurt him like this.

How can he be the one who seems to be stopping _their_ happiness?

What a cruel joke.

 

 

*

 

 

Junmyeon invites their team to go to a bar, but this time it’s to celebrate getting a big account.

Kyungsoo couldn’t care less. As long as there are drinks and distractions, he’s there.

Still, he didn’t want to screw up his career too. He social enough until most of their coworkers have gone and smart enough to wait until it was only his closest friends are left before starting with the heavy stuff.

The young man is also thankful that Minseok and Junmyeon convinced the group to take their party to a noraebang since it’s a Friday. No guilt whatsoever for the weekend.

They drink and sing to their heart’s content, even taking shots whenever someone scores a 95 or higher on the karaoke.

Kyungsoo doesn’t remember what songs he sings or who passes out first, but the next thing he comprehends is that it’s just him and Jongin left awake, ugly colored lights distorting their skin and cheesy pop songs in the air.

It didn’t make sense though. “H-How come you still look sober?”

Jongin slumps back on the vinyl couch, worn out. “Designated chaperone.” He looks back at Kyungsoo, smiling gently. “And I have a date tomorrow. Well, technically in a few hours.”

Kyungsoo nods, enjoying the movement of Jongin’s lips. “You excited?”

“More like nervous.” Jongin laughs brightly. “I’m finally meeting Taeminie’s parents.”

“He’s a lucky man.” Kyungsoo sighs, closing his eyes.

It’s no office secret that Jongin had a thing for Kyungsoo back in the day. After he worked for year at their company, Jongin was hired. Their friendship wasn’t smooth sailing at first, but when they finally did click, the younger man gathered his courage to ask Kyungsoo out.

Too bad Kyungsoo was already dating Chanyeol for a couple of months already. He might have said yes otherwise.

Now, with Jongin leaning right next to him, exhausted but happy to see him even in this hideous room, Kyungsoo wonders what would have happened if he chose Jongin all those years ago.

He needs to know.

And so Kyungsoo closes the space between them, connecting their lips in a hot mess of lips and warm breaths, looking for answers. He sighs when Jongin’s hand find his chest, but Kyungsoo wants to whimper when he felt the same hand gently push him away. “We shouldn’t.”

It was nice of Jongin to say _shouldn’t_ even though Kyungsoo clearly hears ‘ _I don’t want to.’_

Oh god. Kyungsoo scoots away, hiding his face in his palms, cursing himself. “Fuck. Jongin, I’m so sorry.”

“It’s okay. You had a lot to drink.” Jongin pats Kyungsoo’s shoulder, worrying about his friend’s broken breathing, still apologizing. “Really, it’s nothing. Taemin will understand.”

But Kyungsoo shook his head, frantic and in pain. “No. NO! I don’t want to hurt you or Taeminie. I-I don’t want to be like _them_. I’m not _them_.”

It makes him ache how he now separates Chanyeol from himself and lumps him with the other man he’s sleeping with.

Kyungsoo barely feels Jongin embracing him, trying to calm down his breakdown. He couldn’t tell anymore when his boyfriend held him this genuinely, if he ever did. Jongin hushes him, rubbing soothing circles on his back. “Let me call Chanyeol so he can take you home, yeah?”

Jongin blinks when Kyungsoo’s sobbing turns into helpless laughs.

Kyungsoo buries his face into the younger man’s chest. “I don’t even know if he’s home.”

“Okay, well, I’ll bring you back to your place.” Jongin runs a hand into the other’s sweaty tresses, wishing he didn’t understand what his friend really meant.

They wait until Kyungsoo pulled himself together enough before waking up their friends so they could call their own rides home.

When Jongin finally brought a barely there Kyungsoo to his front door, he didn’t expect anger to rush in at the sight of Chanyeol. A part of him is reluctant to hand over the small man to his boyfriend, especially when Kyungsoo started crying again.

Chanyeol smiles at him, embarrassed. “Thanks for bringing him over. Kyungsoo-yah’s never been a great drunk.”

Jongin waves him off. “Just take care of him, okay?” He wants to say more but Chanyeol bids him goodbye before closing the door, clearly wanting to put Kyungsoo to bed.

Kyungsoo wipes his eyes and holds onto Chanyeol’s sweater. “Come back to me.”

“What?” Chanyeol keeps him from falling over, confused.

“Come back to me.” His voice sounds as wrecked as he feels. But he has to tell him.

Chanyeol is gently leading them to the bedroom, wincing at Kyungsoo’s grip. “I’m right here.”

 _Lies_.

Kyungsoo shakes his head. Chanyeol’s not here. Not all of him.

But when Chanyeol was kind enough to help Kyungsoo undress and hold him until they fall asleep, it feels like breathing again. Even if this could only be Chanyeol doing so out of guilt, he’ll take it.

He’ll take it what he can get while he still can.

 

 

*

 

 

The light passing through the curtains prickles Kyungsoo’s skin, stirring him awake. He tries to stretch his arms, but he freezes at the feel of Chanyeol’s arms weighing him down.

It almost makes him sick at how much he wants to lean back into Chanyeol’s warmth and to wrap those long arms tighter around his body like they’re still the same people they used to be.

But Kyungsoo gives in, not knowing when the time will come when he can no longer do this.

Chanyeol sighs behind him, lips grazing his ear and cheek nestling in his hair. If this was a year ago, Kyungsoo would smile. Instead he wonders if the man lying with him is dreaming of another.

The knots in his heart loosen when Chanyeol whispers a sweet good morning to him followed by tender calls of Kyungsoo’s name.

He turns around in Chanyeol’s arms, and Kyungsoo sees love. But he isn’t sure if it was the morning light playing tricks.

Kyungsoo lets Chanyeol kiss him, melting away any trace of drowsiness. He shivers when the older licks into his mouth, large hands slowly hiking his shirt up.

He breaks away from the lip lock to get rid of his clothes, pulling at Chanyeol’s own until there was nothing between them. Kyungsoo sits on top of Chanyeol’s crossed legs, letting him tug and pull between them until they were both hard.

Kyungsoo wanted to stop when Chanyeol touches him in unfamiliar spots, as if searching for things that aren’t there. Slender fingers, rosy skin, sharper edges, a mole on the corner of his lips.

His fingers tremble as he wraps protection on the other man. Kyungsoo rests his hand on Chanyeol’s neck as fingers work him open, holding his gaze. “Look at me.”

A moan leaves him when Chanyeol adds another finger, eyes still focused on him. Kyungsoo’s mouth hangs open as he lowers himself on Chanyeol, and he needed a second to adjust with the way Chanyeol is staring at him.

Kyungsoo leads their pace, biting his lip to concentrate on sliding up and down, thrusting and rolling his hips, challenging Chanyeol to tear his eyes away. His boyfriend could tell that Kyungsoo will stop moving and pull out if he didn’t follow his command.

Even when Kyungsoo pulls his hair to tease his open mouth and wrap his other hand on his neck, Chanyeol’s heady eyes stay on him, submitting.

He wants to witness every shudder, every drop of sweat rolling down Chanyeol’s skin, and how deep the man’s desire is for him.

But Kyungsoo could only keep his control for so long, mewling when Chanyeol meets his hips halfway. He loosens his grip and gasps on the man’s cheek, legs aching and too lost in the way he feels. Kyungsoo closes his eyes, losing his sanity. He can’t do this anymore. “Chanyeol. Fuck me.”

Chanyeol flips them over, burying Kyungsoo’s body beneath him. He breaks the skin on Kyungsoo’s collarbone with his teeth, loving the groans and grunts that follow his delirious thrusts.

Tears are forming in Kyungsoo’s eyes as his back burrows further into the mattress, close to unraveling. But when he looks back at Chanyeol, blissed out and far away, he shuts his eyes tight, a small cry masked with the sounds of pleasure.

Kyungsoo leans his head back when Chanyeol fucked him deeper, the thrusts becoming messier and making the headboard stutter against the wall.

He didn’t know if Chanyeol is really whispering his name, unsure if he could see remorse or longing in those beautiful eyes, the same eyes that draw Kyungsoo in, drowning him, pulling him under until he can no longer breathe.

He comes when Chanyeol touches him, wrist matching the rhythm of his hips. And Chanyeol fucks him open before finding his own release.

 

 

*

 

 

Kyungsoo gets out of bed quietly. He carefully walks over the mess they made, opened wrappers and used rubbers scattered, before quickly finding some clean clothes.

It was easy to fill up a suitcase with most of his clothes, at least the ones he bought on his own.

He looks at Chanyeol deep asleep before gently pulling the sheet higher over his body to keep him warm. He cleans up the room as much as he can before grabbing his wallet and keys.

Pulling the bag out of the room, Kyungsoo finds his phone next to Chanyeol’s on the coffee table. He was about to grab it when his boyfriend’s phone lights up with that name.

It rings loud.

One. Two. Three. F-

Kyungsoo closes the apartment door behind him and enjoys the silence.

**Author's Note:**

> **A/N:**
> 
> • Limerence /ˈlɪmɪrəns/  
> \- a state of mind resulting from romantic attraction, characterized by feelings of euphoria, the desire to have one's feelings reciprocated and more  
> \- some call it infatuation, potent obsession, or false love
> 
> • Misery loves company, so share with me how you are after reading this little evil!^^
> 
> • If a sequel will be born from this one-shot, it will most likely be posted on my AFF!^^


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